Our Foolproof Guide to Your Next Running Injury (Guaranteed*)

Our Tongue-in-cheek guide to your next running injury

 

People, the promised land (of running injury) is around the corner.

In fact, it’s within your grasp right now, and with some focus and a little direction, you can join 80 percent of the running population immediately.

In fact, today could be your lucky day … IF you play your cards right.

With years of personal and professional experience on the subject, you could say we’re the injury experts. If you can break it, we have the emergency room visits and X-rays to prove it.

If you can overuse it, irritate it, and drive it into the ground, well, we have the MRIs, the KT Tape and the body-shaped ice packs in the freezer for it.

With our foolproof guide, take your injuries to PRO status in a matter of minutes.

But before we get there, we need you bought in. That’s right. I can hear you scratching your head on this one right now…

“GET injured? Aren’t I … like … supposed to avoid those?”

Well, yes and no.

Sure, you hear getting injured “isn’t cool” and can lead to some initial disappointment, but let me tell you…

Over the years, I found some pretty sweet hidden upsides.

3 BENEFITS of being injured:

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1. People feel sorry for you.

Sympathy … yeah!

If you’re ever feeling a little disconnected from those around you, just grab your low back, close your eyes and grimace.

Add a limp and now you’ll be surrounded with concerned faces and “Are you OKs?” Those get-well Facebook posts are around the corner.

2. You get to use the “Well … IF____, THEN ____ …” excuse!

“Well, IF I was healthy, then man I’d totally smoke those clowns.

Too bad my knee keeps me from training at my capacity, or watch out!

I see what you did there.

You get to talk about being good without having to actually put any cards on the table.

No risk. All reward. Very slick.

3. Netflix like a BOSS.

Vitamin D’s overrated.

Best to bask in the flickering glow of the latest no-name comedy special and B-rated webisode because, yeah, you already watched all the good stuff.

I know. I now have you on the edge of your seat.

How can I get injured and join the swelling ranks of runners sitting happily on the sidelines, you ask?

STOP READING THIS.

I appreciate your commitment toward mediocrity, but I mean it…knowledge messes you up.

Once you start to know things and, worse, put them into action, you can say goodbye to those sympathetic nods, “almost” stories and binge Internet watching.

It goes without saying that being patient, training consistently, resting regularly, mobilizing daily and squatting weekly are just downright un-American.

So be careful out there, runners.

Keep doing what you’re doing, follow our foolproof guide, and we can almost guarantee you’ll reach that promised land by the end of this year.

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BUT change one *little* thing, and it could start to slip through your fingers…

You could reverse the trend AND take charge of your body!

Start squatting a few days a week and your knees, hips and low back might just start feeling … good.

Add ten (or more) minutes of quad smashing (and other mobility work)..and you’ll know exactly what your knees are telling you.

Try one new running drill a week and your feet will fly across the ground.

Do this every day…Every week…For an entire year…and now you’re on another level.

So that’s it. The “secret: to injury and strong performance is out!

The question is…what kind of runner do you want to be?

 

screenshot-2016-11-15-14-53-51Want to learn more about The Marathon Training Program?


The “MTP” captures our entire philosophy and approach towards running fast, healthy, strong running for 26.2 miles.

It includes a LOT of work (we’re not gonna lie), but athletes who follow our simple video progressions, mobility assessments, strength exercises, and run workouts see pretty crazy results.
But fair warning: we want MOTIVATED runners only!

PS: It’s worth taking a peak inside just to see what’s POSSIBLE for your next race!

  • Jenny Anderson

    Awesome article, Nate! Too funny!

    • Nate Helming

      ha. glad you liked it 🙂

  • Kirk

    That was hilarious. Thanks Nate!

    • Nate Helming

      you’re most welcome!